this day and age

one too many.

It's kind of nice knowing very few people actually read this journal anymore. It gives me peace to speak freely, or in this case, share my latest writing.

One too many love songs
lost in static
on the radio.
One too many evenings spent
hearing your voice
above the echo.
It makes these moments so hard to let go.

One too many conversations
that steal my attention.
One too many sleepless nights
spent pondering your intention.
It makes these thoughts so hard to let go.

One too many suns
have set without witness.
One too many snowfalls
have come days after Christmas.
One too many mistakes.
One too many heartaches.
It makes this so hard to let go.

One too many racecars
go back and forth in my mind.
One too many setbacks
and I'm running out of time.
One too many faces
cast up to the moon.
One too many times
to feel like this so soon.
But you're so hard to let go.
  • Current Music
    misery loves its company- the red jumpsuit apparatus
this day and age

(no subject)

I don't even know how to describe my feelings.

I'm in denial.  The thought of never seeing them again, never hearing new melodies from makes my heart ache.

Music speaks volumes.  And this day && age has always been the most powerful for me.  I can't thank them enough for what they've done for me.

  • Current Music
    this day & age.
this day and age

(no subject)

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Cause you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay.

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

  • Current Music
    your guardian angel.
this day and age


1) Black Mamba- The Academy Is...
2) So Contagious- Acceptance.
3) Move Along- The All American Rejects.
4) Always You- Amber Pacific.
5) The Feel Good Drag- Anberlin. (for ultimate sexy-voice ness.)
6) start the machine- angels & airwaves. (really any angels & airwaves would work.)
7)hotel roosevelt- augustana.
8) boys, girls, sing! - backseat goodbye. (this song is perfect. really.)
9) at the stars- better than ezra.
10) first day of my life- bright eyes.
11) friends for lovers- brighten.
12) long line of cars- cake. (any cake off comfort eagle)
13) burn this city- cartel. (basically most cartel works though)
14)coffee- copeland. [[summer nights.]]
15)tennis court soundtrack- daphne loves derby.
16) don't wait- dashboard confessional.
17) passenger seat- death cab for cutie. [[slow, cool, summer days.]]
18)sesame smeshame- the early november.
19)lost at sea- eisley.
20) "it's not a side effect of the cocaine, i'm thinking it must be love."- fall out boy. (only fall out boy from my heart is the worst kind of weapon or take this to your grave. not the new stuff.)
21) beward the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch- forgive durden.
22)wait, wait, wait- the format.
23)all at once- the fray.
24) light up ahead- further seems forever.
25) speaker for the dead- gatsby's american dream.
26) drive away- gratitude.
27) careful- guster.
28) driving away- holiday parade. (perfect for summer.)
29) such great heights- iron & wine. (for moments that last forever.)
30)banana pancakes- jack johnson.
31) work- jimmy eat world.
32) steal me- jupiter sunrise. (laying in the sun.)
33) some sort of meaning- long since forgotten.
34) summertime- mae. (essential.)
35) bending light in new directions- mashlin. (they're on my favorite record company.)
36)tie off your veins- monty are i. (dancing music. with trombone.)
37)hold me down- motion city soundtrack. (any motion city is good.)
38)here we go again- paramore.
39)the distance i know- the pilot. (<333)
40) We've Been Searching The Sky For Answers- PlayRadioPlay! (good powerpop/electronica)
41)AKA M80 The Wolf- Portugal. The Man.
42)the district sleeps alone tonight- the postal service. (ben gibbard. love.)
43)planning a prison break- the receiving end of sirens.
44) around the clock- the rocket summer. (summer dance music.)
45)pop destroyed the scene- rookie of the year (also on my favorite record label)
46)this is not an exit- saves the day. (classic band.)
47)the town that you live in- sherwood. (great summer band.)
48) break a leg- the spill canvas. (favorite record company. one of absolute favorite bands)
49) up & go- the starting line. (perfect start of summer song)
50) melt the sugar- the summer obsession. (
51) company car- switchfoot. (for all seasons, but particularly summer.)
52) cute without the "e"- taking back sunday. (summer rock.)
53) luna- thin dark line. (fave record company. woah.)
54) long walk home- this day & age. (favorite record company. favorite band. essential for life, not just summer.)
55) wolf in sheeps clothing- this providence.
56) down at the harbor- transition. (they have summer band written all over them.)
57) away we go- valencia. (again, essential for life, not just summer. but good summer songs too.)
  • Current Music
    Away We Go- Valencia
this day and age

the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

lots of thinking lately. about a lot of things.


the fray and backseat goodbye have been accompanying me. fuck i love chad sugg.


got my AP scores. one's not good enough for some of the colleges i'm looking at. i never do well enough.



my sister is in new jersey right now. i wish i was with her.



i preordered the new early november cd, hellogoodbye cd, and inkwell cd. and it makes me so happy. music expresses what words fall short of. i need it.


i had a dream two nights ago. and it continued last night. it was a different kind of dream than i've ever had before. but it also gave me the most hope for the future that i've ever had.


and now onto more reading and freezing to death in the central air.



[[begin to wonder.]]

  • Current Music
    how to save a life- the fray
this day and age

first loves with real ends.

I've never seemed to get it right.
And I'm left standing alone.
I've never seemed to make it real.
And it chills me to the bone.
I've never seemed to find you
at the time of your convenience.
I've never seemed to fit your mold.
I'm forever without expedience.

oh, waves of clarity. wash over me.
take me away with the tide to the sea.
loosen the tightened knots holding me down.
oh, take me away and get me out of this town.

I'm tired of being the one you leave
without saying "good night."
I'm sick of chasing after you
like a child after a kite.
I'm done waiting for you to come
and make my soul take flight.
I'm through with foolish games of love
so let the flames inside ignite.

oh, waves of release. wash through me.
teach me to flow and live and be free.
steal away the darkness and give me the light.
oh, waves of love. wash over me tonight.
  • Current Music
    my favorite color- backseat goodbye
this day and age

(no subject)

You can play around with "what if's" until your fingertips turn blue and your heart swells and bursts.
But it gets you nowhere at the end of the day.
So many chances this year I watched pass me by and I've done nothing.
And in return I have the most amazing friends in the world.
How can I have the nerve to feel the way I do?

Yet, I of all people realize you can't control the way you feel.

But that has to change.

This is the end, and also the beginning.
  • Current Music
    Easy As Life- Aida
this day and age

(no subject)

Finish the sentence.. [61]
i feel:incomplete.
i want:him to tell me.
i am making:a fool of myself.
i am wearing:my cartel shirt.
i am trying to decide:whether it's wrong or right.
my best friend is:[smaka.]
my favorite memory is:the one with you.
my worst memory is:the one without you.
my favorite vacation place is:california.
i am:.
i want to be:someone.
i try to hard to:do the best I can.
my fear is:being alone.
my hopes are:massive.
when i get older, i:hope to live life.
i look:at you and smile.
i enjoy:life.
i HATE:nothing.
one thing/person i love is:music.
when i fall for someone, i:fall completely.
my favorite color is:the color of love and Spanish mysteries.
my favorite television show is:house.
a person i adore is:jeff martin.
a place i would go in a heartbeat is:europe.
the person that i'm thinking about is:someone who will go unnamed.
i love the way:people in love look at each other.
a vexation of mine is:people who say what they don't mean.
my favorite time is:forever.
summer time is:beautiful.
my life is:a blessing.
after school, i:do homework.
i am a:plane in the sunset with nowhere to land.
one thing i can't live without is:music.
i'm trying to:get through this.
it hurts when:you look straight through me.
like my father always says;:you should've thought about that already.
the hardest thing i've ever had to do was:let go.
i NEED:my friends.
before i go to bed, i:hope for tomorrow.
the first thing i do in the morning is:get up.
the best thing about life:is that I live it.
i never knew that:he would do that to me.
my lucky number is:23.
my room is:green.
i can't:do it.
i love going to:shows.
i cry when:it's too much to bear.
something that makes me smile is:friendship.
i love the movie:clue.
this survey is:interesting.
i am feeling:mellow.
love is:completely real.
traveling is:an experience I hope to have.
whores are:whores.
it is time to:change.
i am wearing:my heart on my sleeve.
i'm pissed off because:i can't find the right words.
something about a person that turns me on is:their passions.
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d
  • Current Music
    Let That Be Enough- Switchfoot.
this day and age

(no subject)

nine lasts.

cigarette: never.
beverage: water.
kiss: long time ago.
hug: today.
movie seen: the da vinci code.
cd played: the goodnight moon- rookie of the year.
song listened to: this so called life- the pilot.
bubble bath: too long ago to remember.
time you cried: yesterday when i SMASHED my head. holy shit that hurt. i can't even remember the last time i cried because of physical pain...that's how bad this was.

eight have you evers.

dated one of your best friends: yes.
skinny dipped: nope.
kissed somebody and regretted it: no...i don't think so.
fallen in love: yes.
lost someone you loved: yes.
been depressed: maybe.
been drunk and threw up: nope.
ran away: nope.

7 people you would do anything for right now:
1. meags
2. sarah
3. kayle
4. matt
5. alicia
6. shivon
7. sean

six things you've done today.
1. taken a test.
2. played the viola.
3. been confused.
4. laughed.
5. listened to acoustic rock nonstop.
6. walked up and down stairs several times because my memory is horrible.

five favorite things.
1. music.
2. friends.
3. family.
4. love.
5. peace.

four people you last talked to.
1. kayle
2. alicia
3. shivon
4. marielle

three wishes.
1. my friends will find clarity, contentment, and love.
2. my family will sort itself out without much pain.
3. sarah gets to meet tom delonge.

two things you want to be when you grow up.
1. content.
2. myself.

one thing you regret.
1. not acting on my feelings.
  • Current Music
    Home Away From Home- The Pilot
this day and age

(no subject)

Sometimes, I really really hate being President, Vice-President, Secretary and Treasurer of this fucking club. Oh, not to mention I basically advise myself.

>> Things better be different next year.
  • Current Music
    Miss Mirage- The Pilot