It's kind of nice knowing very few people actually read this journal anymore. It gives me peace to speak freely, or in this case, share my latest writing.
One too many love songs
lost in static
on the radio.
One too many evenings spent
hearing your voice
above the echo.
It makes these moments so hard to let go.
One too many conversations
that steal my attention.
One too many sleepless nights
spent pondering your intention.
It makes these thoughts so hard to let go.
One too many suns
have set without witness.
One too many snowfalls
have come days after Christmas.
One too many mistakes.
One too many heartaches.
It makes this so hard to let go.
One too many racecars
go back and forth in my mind.
One too many setbacks
and I'm running out of time.
One too many faces
cast up to the moon.
One too many times
to feel like this so soon.
But you're so hard to let go.
1) Black Mamba- The Academy Is...
2) So Contagious- Acceptance.
3) Move Along- The All American Rejects.
4) Always You- Amber Pacific.
5) The Feel Good Drag- Anberlin. (for ultimate sexy-voice ness.)
6) start the machine- angels & airwaves. (really any angels & airwaves would work.)
7)hotel roosevelt- augustana.
8) boys, girls, sing! - backseat goodbye. (this song is perfect. really.)
9) at the stars- better than ezra.
10) first day of my life- bright eyes.
11) friends for lovers- brighten.
12) long line of cars- cake. (any cake off comfort eagle)
13) burn this city- cartel. (basically most cartel works though)
14)coffee- copeland. [[summer nights.]]
15)tennis court soundtrack- daphne loves derby.
16) don't wait- dashboard confessional.
17) passenger seat- death cab for cutie. [[slow, cool, summer days.]]
18)sesame smeshame- the early november.
19)lost at sea- eisley.
20) "it's not a side effect of the cocaine, i'm thinking it must be love."- fall out boy. (only fall out boy from my heart is the worst kind of weapon or take this to your grave. not the new stuff.)
21) beward the jub jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch- forgive durden.
22)wait, wait, wait- the format.
23)all at once- the fray.
24) light up ahead- further seems forever.
25) speaker for the dead- gatsby's american dream.
26) drive away- gratitude.
27) careful- guster.
28) driving away- holiday parade. (perfect for summer.)
29) such great heights- iron & wine. (for moments that last forever.)
30)banana pancakes- jack johnson.
31) work- jimmy eat world.
32) steal me- jupiter sunrise. (laying in the sun.)
33) some sort of meaning- long since forgotten.
34) summertime- mae. (essential.)
35) bending light in new directions- mashlin. (they're on my favorite record company.)
36)tie off your veins- monty are i. (dancing music. with trombone.)
37)hold me down- motion city soundtrack. (any motion city is good.)
38)here we go again- paramore.
39)the distance i know- the pilot. (<333)
40) We've Been Searching The Sky For Answers- PlayRadioPlay! (good powerpop/electronica)
41)AKA M80 The Wolf- Portugal. The Man.
42)the district sleeps alone tonight- the postal service. (ben gibbard. love.)
43)planning a prison break- the receiving end of sirens.
44) around the clock- the rocket summer. (summer dance music.)
45)pop destroyed the scene- rookie of the year (also on my favorite record label)
46)this is not an exit- saves the day. (classic band.)
47)the town that you live in- sherwood. (great summer band.)
48) break a leg- the spill canvas. (favorite record company. one of absolute favorite bands)
49) up & go- the starting line. (perfect start of summer song)
50) melt the sugar- the summer obsession. (must.have.summer.song.)
51) company car- switchfoot. (for all seasons, but particularly summer.)
52) cute without the "e"- taking back sunday. (summer rock.)
53) luna- thin dark line. (fave record company. woah.)
54) long walk home- this day & age. (favorite record company. favorite band. essential for life, not just summer.)
55) wolf in sheeps clothing- this providence.
56) down at the harbor- transition. (they have summer band written all over them.)
57) away we go- valencia. (again, essential for life, not just summer. but good summer songs too.)
I've never seemed to get it right.
And I'm left standing alone.
I've never seemed to make it real.
And it chills me to the bone.
I've never seemed to find you
at the time of your convenience.
I've never seemed to fit your mold.
I'm forever without expedience.
oh, waves of clarity. wash over me.
take me away with the tide to the sea.
loosen the tightened knots holding me down.
oh, take me away and get me out of this town.
I'm tired of being the one you leave
without saying "good night."
I'm sick of chasing after you
like a child after a kite.
I'm done waiting for you to come
and make my soul take flight.
I'm through with foolish games of love
so let the flames inside ignite.
oh, waves of release. wash through me.
teach me to flow and live and be free.
steal away the darkness and give me the light.
oh, waves of love. wash over me tonight.
You can play around with "what if's" until your fingertips turn blue and your heart swells and bursts.
But it gets you nowhere at the end of the day.
So many chances this year I watched pass me by and I've done nothing.
And in return I have the most amazing friends in the world.
How can I have the nerve to feel the way I do?
Yet, I of all people realize you can't control the way you feel.
But that has to change.
This is the end, and also the beginning.
kiss: long time ago.
movie seen: the da vinci code.
cd played: the goodnight moon- rookie of the year.
song listened to: this so called life- the pilot.
bubble bath: too long ago to remember.
time you cried: yesterday when i SMASHED my head. holy shit that hurt. i can't even remember the last time i cried because of physical pain...that's how bad this was.
eight have you evers.
dated one of your best friends: yes.
skinny dipped: nope.
kissed somebody and regretted it: no...i don't think so.
fallen in love: yes.
lost someone you loved: yes.
been depressed: maybe.
been drunk and threw up: nope.
ran away: nope.
7 people you would do anything for right now:
six things you've done today.
1. taken a test.
2. played the viola.
3. been confused.
5. listened to acoustic rock nonstop.
6. walked up and down stairs several times because my memory is horrible.
five favorite things.
four people you last talked to.
1. my friends will find clarity, contentment, and love.
2. my family will sort itself out without much pain.
3. sarah gets to meet tom delonge.
two things you want to be when you grow up.
one thing you regret.
1. not acting on my feelings.
Sometimes, I really really hate being President, Vice-President, Secretary and Treasurer of this fucking club. Oh, not to mention I basically advise myself.
>> Things better be different next year.